in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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