I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
