How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As shirtless as possible
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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