Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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