I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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