dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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