We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
