I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
