Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pants are for mortals
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
