YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
