RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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