Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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