Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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