please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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