im holly from the hills drunk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
