I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
