We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
