Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
