Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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