happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
