it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
