Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
