I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
