As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
organizing the empties. That sober.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
