He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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