I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
