You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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