Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
