How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
