I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
