i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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