Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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