The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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