is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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