the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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