Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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