Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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