I look better un-naked...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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