these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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