Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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