Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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