I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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