it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
