you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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