I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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