Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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