It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
