Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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