If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
