Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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