Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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