areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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