I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
