After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
