Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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