I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's get the cat blown out
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
