Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
