sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
