Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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