I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
