you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
