If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
