you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
