The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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