I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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