Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need a burrito and a hug.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
