just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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