Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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